


Meet Me Where The Stars Fall

by StrawberryBasketCase



Category: Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Christmas, Depression, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, M/M, Marriage, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-17 21:58:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13086204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrawberryBasketCase/pseuds/StrawberryBasketCase
Summary: Tyler was never a hopeful man. He lost all that when he lost the love of his life. But then he receives a mysterious letter. There inside lies a bit of hope left for him.So he sets out to get back everything he lost so long ago.Love.





	Meet Me Where The Stars Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Fruity babies!
> 
> I know I have been gone for so so long and I'm sorry. I was and still am going through some hard times right now. But a holiday contest on wattpad gave me a little boost to write this one shot. 
> 
> It's pretty sad throughout the whole thing so read at your own risk. But as the tag says I promise it has a happy ending. 
> 
> This is inspired by my own poem "A Tornado Of Stars". Also this is my longest one shot ever so I'm proud of myself.
> 
> Anyhoo Enjoy!

“Happy Birthday to you.” Everyone finished singing. They all cheered as Tyler blew out the candles. He then cut the cake and passed out pieces to all the party goers. The designs were nicely hung, balloons everywhere, and a table full of friends and gifts. Everything was perfect. And everyone was happy. Well all except for Tyler. 

He had excused himself to the patio for a bit of fresh air. It was cold and the ground was lightly dusted with fluffy snow. Tyler just stood there hugging himself and staring at the moon. He hated how it still remained as beautiful as it did when he was happy. When he had his beloved with him. The only man that made him feel alright no matter what. Tyler felt the tears begin to sting his eyelids at the memories.

Suddenly he felt a coat drape over his freezing shoulders. Tyler looked over to see Josh standing next to him.  
“You looked a little chilly.” Josh smiled softly at him. Tyler mumbled his thanks as he pulled the coat all the way on. He quickly tried to blink away his tears before Josh could see them. “I'm sorry, I know you don't really like parties since-”

“No don't be silly Joshie. I'm having a great birthday. And I love my surprise party. Thank you.” Tyler smile brightly at him. He also hated making people worry about his problems. It wasn't like they can fix it. Unless they could raise the dead and Tyler was sure that science hasn't even been perfected yet. Let alone ever tried. 

“Tyler you don't have to lie to me. I know you're still thinking about him. And it's alright to grieve.” Josh said simply. He held his arms out merely waiting. It didn't take long before Tyler broke down and cried in his chest. “Just let it out, it does more harm when you bottle it up.” He rubbed his friend’s back softly. 

“It just hurts so bad Josh. It never stops. I just miss Dallon so much. I can't take this much longer.” Tyler cried harder while gripping Josh’s sweater tight. He was the closest to having his Dallon back. They both have a calming nature about them. And being close helped Tyler calm down if for a little while.

“Maybe it's time you seek some professional help. I mean I don't want you to do anything harmful to yourself with this mindset.” Josh worried terribly about his best friend. He had never seen him so happy as when he was with his husband. And he had never seen him more miserable than when he died. It was like Tyler died along with him. 

“N-no I'll be okay I don't need-” Tyler sniffled and pulled away. 

“Ty if you won't talk to me then you need to talk to someone...please?” Josh begged. He gripped his shoulders tight and concern laced in his eyes. He really needed the brunette to get better.

“But they're gonna give me pills to try and make me forget him….I love him too much to do that...Josh please don't force me to go.” Tyler whimpered in his arms. His brown eyes full of so many tears. He couldn't spare the water weight as it is. 

“Fine I won't bring it up again, but just promise you'll come to me when something’s wrong...anything at all okay?” Josh sighed. He always caved when tears were involved. Tyler happily agreed. 

“Hey Ty guy time to open up your gifts.” Pete poked his head out from the doorway. 

“Yeah open mine’s first Ty boy.” Brendon quickly added. 

“As if, he's opening mine first.” Pete scoffed at him. 

“And what makes you say that? I got him something way more awesome than whatever crap you got.” Brendon countered. 

“You're crap!” Pete clap back. It didn't take much to get those two arguing. Both of them were just overgrown children. They then continued their silly fight inside the house. 

“Let's get in there before they start a food fight.” Josh joked as he walked back inside. Well actually half joked. They've done it before.

Tyler laughed a little. It was nice to laugh sometimes. He couldn't help getting one last look at the moon. “Mean ol’ moon.” He pouted before he went inside. 

***

Tyler woke up still groggy. He was was reeling from his party the night before. He didn't usually stay up that late, but then again he barely slept anyway. He'd just sit up every night talking to the stars. Dallon told him that angels playing in heaven made up all the stars. And since he knew his husband was up there looking down on him too, he just talked to him until he felt sleepy. 

Tyler would talk for hours. Sometimes he'd talk until the sun came up. It was never anything too deep. Just how his day went and how much he missed and loved him. Like he used to when Dallon was alive. Those little talks kept him somewhat put together to face the world, but not completely.

He groaned as he got out of bed. While he disliked sleep because of how difficult it was for him to get any, it was refreshing once he finally did go to sleep. But he had to get up and start the day. 

Tyler worked as a graphic designer. So long as he had a computer and internet access, he could work from anywhere. The company he worked for was pretty flexible so he mostly worked from home. That was the best choice for Tyler after he lost his husband. But only on few occasions such as the department meeting today was when he had to actually go into the office. 

Tyler did his usual morning routine. He dressed casually because he was only gonna be in the office for about two hours so no use wasting a suit. He was out the house and on the road in no time flat. The brunette drummed along to the beat to some random rock song on the radio. He forgot the names of bands. He only remembered the sound. It was the most important part anyway. 

Tyler soon made it to the office just in time for the meeting. He got all eyes on him as he sat down at the table. He almost forgot the other reason he stopped working in the office. All those damn sympathetic looks he received from his co-workers. It really just pissed him off. So Tyler just pretended to type on his phone to avoid any unwanted conversation.

The meeting drilled on and in Tyler’s mind it felt more like six hours versus two. He couldn't wait to leave. He had somewhere better he had to be. 

“Hey Tyler can I talk to you for a second?” Tyler’s boss called to him as he had just reached the door. Tyler cursed his horrible luck as he turned around.

“Yes sir?” He smiled as best as he could. He already knew where this talk was going. The only place it went was about his personal problems. 

“Tyler, I just wanted to make sure you were doing alright. I know you've been working more from home and-”

“Has my performance dropped?” Tyler cut in. He didn't wanna show his anger, but these constant “talks” just made him even more frazzled than if they'd just let him wallow in his pain alone. 

“Excuse me?” His boss was slightly confused by the sudden interruption. 

“I’m asking if my performance has dropped below company standards?” Tyler repeated. 

“No it hasn't. Your work is just fine, but-”

“Then if my work is still acceptable despite me working more from home due to personal reasons then I feel we don't have anything else to talk about. If you would excuse me sir.” Tyler informed him before he kindly took his leave. He knew in retrospect that he shouldn't have gotten snippy with his boss. It was only gonna lead him to believe that Tyler was still in bad shape over Dallon. The brunette sighed as he drove off. 

He'd just have to smooth that over with his boss some other time. He made a direct route to the cemetery. Tyler always visited Dallon at least twice a week. He especially visited on both of their birthdays. He would've been there the day before, but Josh insisted they hung out all day. It of course was a ploy to lead him to his house for the surprise party. Sure it was good to be around his friends, but he'd still rather be with Dallon. No offense to them, but his husband will forever be first in his life. 

Tyler soon pulled into a parking spot. He made sure he was bundled up nicely. The temperature seemed to be falling faster than the snow. And although he loved the winter season, Tyler got cold easily. He needed it to be at least 85 degrees for him to even be remotely comfortable. So he wore a shirt with a thick sweater over it and some leggings under his jeans. All under his heavy winter coat, wool hat, and puffy gloves. 

Tyler’s boots made a light crunch sounds over the soft snow as he walked through the rows and rows of marble headstones. It was kinda sad how more and more people were dying faster by the day. Soon there would be more places to house the dead than the living. He finally made it to Dallon’s pretty marble angel that watched over him when Tyler was gone. He smiled because he felt like the angel watched over him as well. 

“Hi honey….I'm sorry I didn't come by yesterday, but Josh threw me a surprise birthday party. He wants me to spend more time around the living than here surrounded by death. He thinks it's like some horrible disease or something.” Tyler chuckled softly at the idea. “But Josh will never understand what we have…..had….” He felt the tears well up in his eyes. The brunette hated talking about his husband in past tense. He noticed that he started hating more and more things by the day since Dallon left. And he hated that as well. 

“Dallon I…...I-I love you baby…..I always have…..b-but it's getting harder to go on….I know I told Josh that I'd go to him for help, but he doesn't understand. I just wanna be with you….I feel so alone out here by myself Dallon…..please don't hate me for…for…” Tyler cried hard into his gloved hands. He was at the end of his rope. Sure he tried to make his way back to happiness, but it was no use. His only wish was to be with his husband. Even if that meant death too. 

Suddenly a huge gust of wind blew in. Tyler looked up, but was blinded by the snow flying all around him. The cold air stung his heated cheek. Making his nose run even more. He felt like he’d be frozen if the wind didn't stop soon. He pulled his hat down over his eyes to keep anymore snowflakes from flying in and irritating his vision.

As quick as the winds came, it ceased. Tyler looked around to see that the snow hadn't been disturbed even a little. It seemed as if everything was exactly the same before the wind had come. He was confused because nothing was even out of place. That was strange. Could he be slowly losing his mind? 

“Well Dal I-” Tyler was about to say his goodbyes so he could clear his head, but he noticed a pale blue envelope was lying perfectly in the angel’s hands. It was almost as if she was giving it to Tyler. He did a quick double take to check to make sure he didn't miss someone nearby. But he was alone. He slowly reached his hand out to get the envelope. He was sure it was for someone else and it just blew in the wind and perhaps got caught in the statue’s hands. That is until he read the fancy lettering. “Happy….Birthday….Tyler....f-from Dal!?”

Tyler gasped and slowly backed away from Dallon’s grave. “No this is is some kind of joke…” He shook his head. The brunette quickly ran back to his car in tears because why would someone play such a horrible trick on him like this. His heart was pounding once he made it inside his car. He scanned the area, but no one was around. “D-dallon…..could you really?” He sniffled as he glanced at the blue envelope sitting in the passenger seat. 

Tyler was terrified to open it and find out what was inside. He carefully removed his gloves and reached over to pick it up. He handled it as if it would disintegrate in his very hands. On closer inspection the fancy lettering was Dallon’s handwriting. After all the poems he used to write him, he would know it anywhere. “N-no...it can't be….” Tyler teared up. His head was reeling by everything. It was hard to even begin to process.

Tyler decided to go back home. He needed to lay down. He put the mysterious envelope back on the passenger seat with his gloves and started up the engine. The heat on full blast, warming his shaking frame up. He quickly sped away. He felt terrible for not saying a proper goodbye to Dallon, but in this case he was scared out of his mind that he was going insane. Surely his husband would understand.

***

Tyler sat in his favorite recliner. He had a mug of tea on the side table next to him. He was in one of Dallon’s big shirts. His husband’s scent always helped to calm his nerves. The fireplace was going strong as he contemplated if he should open the envelope or not. Nothing made sense and he thought he should just forget this all happened, but what if it was real? What if he wasn't going mad like he thought? Could Dallon really be trying to communicate from beyond the grave? 

All answers laid in his hands. So Tyler decided to open it and find out. It was a letter. A poem to be more specific.

“A Tornado Of Stars:

Have you ever traveled to the end of the ocean? To where the sky comes down to meet the ground. I've been there waiting just for you. In a mist of a tornado of stars. 

Where it's so late at night, that the sky lights up. And the owls sing your name. There's no hope for me. Cause you're all I ever dream. My heart is so full of you that it floats right out of my mouth to you. 

Have you ever traveled to the end of the ocean? To where the sky comes down to meet the ground. I've been there waiting just for you. In a mist of a tornado of stars.

You've got me flying high. So high that I'm upside down. Swimming the depths til I find something worthy of you. That face full of grace, I'll give up all of me just to race back to you. So meet me in our place. Til where our love can keep us alive. 

Have you ever traveled to the end of the ocean? To where the sky comes down to meet the ground. I've been there waiting just for you. In a mist of tornado of stars. 

A tornado of stars. 

Spinning just for you.”

Tyler was in tears by the end of it. It was just such a beautiful poem. All in Dallon’s handwriting. Heck it even smelled of him. Fresh flowers in the springtime. He didn't know what all this could mean, but he knew that his husband still loved him. And that fact made him the happiest he had been in all the three years he’d been without him. 

Tyler fell asleep curled up in the chair. Just cradling his poem to his chest. Tears still fresh in his cheeks. Soon the fire went out in the fireplace. 

“Tyler…”

Tyler groaned slightly and shifted in the chair, but not waking up. 

“Baby you’ll catch a cold if you don't cover up.”

“Dallon….is that you? Please don't leave me...” Tyler whimpered at the noise. Yet again he didn't wake up.

“I'm always here…..always…”

Suddenly he felt a fleece cover over him. And he could've sworn he felt a warm kiss on his cheek. 

Tyler then jumped up to see he had a cover on him. “Dallon?...” He swiftly got up and ran around the room. “Dallon I know you're there...honey please don't-”

“Tyler? What's wrong?” Josh asked from the doorway.

“J-josh? When did you get here?” Tyler was confused. He pulled the cover tighter around him as he felt a chill. “You saw him didn't you?” He was looking around the room for any traces of his husband.

“See who?....Tyler you were asleep when I came in and you looked cold in only that shirt so I-”

“Wait…..no Dallon gave me the cover. He spoke to me. And he kissed my cheek. Oh h-he was here Josh, I know he was!” Tyler quickly snapped. Tears trailing down his face.

Josh frowned and slowly walked towards him. “Ty...he’s not here...Dallon is dead...and he has been for three years now….” He hated being so blunt with him, but he had to wake him up from his delusions. Josh calmly hugged his friend. “Tyler I promise you I gave you the cover….and I rubbed your cheek. That was what you felt.” Josh explained. 

Tyler just sobbed. It couldn't be true. He’s had these periods about Dallon before, but this time it felt so real that Tyler was certain that he was there. All just to wake up alone again. That's when he remembered the letter. He then ran back to the chair. Tyler dug furiously in the cushions. 

“Ty what are you looking for?” Josh was confused by his actions. 

“M-my letter…it was a birthday gift from Dallon.” Tyler answered as he began removing the pillow off the recliner. “See I went to his grave. I was crying about him and then there was this big gust of wind. Nearly froze me to death, but when it was over I saw this blue envelope. The angel gave it to me. And it said happy birthday in Dallon’s handwriting. At first I wasn't going to believe it. So I came home and I made tea, started the fire, and changed into his shirt. Anyways when I finally read the letter, it was a wonderful poem. One I never heard before. So you see it was from Dallon. He's trying to tell me something I just know it.” Tyler was talking a mile a minute as he searched for his letter. 

“Tyler.” Josh walked closer and knelt down to shake some sense into him. But the brunette was too engrossed in finding the poem. “Tyler please! He’s gone and he’s not coming back!” Josh gripped Tyler’s wrist and pulled him to his feet. He couldn't bare to see him acting like this. “Now Tyler you need some help…a-and I'm going to get you some alright?”

Tyler stared at him. Eye full of tears that have yet to fall and a frown on his mouth. Josh didn't believe him. He thought he was cracking up. He had to find that poem so he could see he wasn't making it all up. Tyler’s eyes looked to the empty recliner. He had tore all the pillows and cushions off and there was nothing left, but the springs. His heart dropped. Tyler hung his head in embarrassment of how he was acting. Maybe he was just dreaming it all up. 

“Tyler please don't cry. I'll get you the help you need. A nice doctor that’ll listen to you. I promise.” Josh continued to reassure him. Tyler was barely listening when something blue caught his eye. Could it be? Yes it was. 

“Josh look it's right there!” Tyler exclaimed as he pointed down at their feet. Josh didn't see anything past the scattered pillows and cushions. Tyler quickly retrieved the letter from under a random pillow. He popped back up with a huge smile on his face. “See read it. Dallon wrote it for me.” He was so overjoyed that he wasn't going crazy. 

Josh read the poem. And as shocking as it may have been, but it did look similar to Dallon’s writing. “Okay okay so it's a poem, but that doesn't mean Dallon wrote it from beyond the grave. It could be just some old poem you dug out and forgot about.” He was desperately trying to make sense of it all. 

“No I've never seen this until today I swear. Josh please believe me. It's from him, but I don't know what he’s trying to say.” Tyler insisted. “Help me Josh.” He pleaded with those big doe eyes of his. 

Josh sighed heavily. He always caved to those eyes. “Fine so this is a new poem, but as to figuring it out seems hard. It appears to be just a love poem to me, but poetry is open to multiple interpretations. Only the author knows for sure, but seeing how the author is dead then I-I don't really know…I'm sorry Tyler.” Josh told him regrettably. He didn't really have any answers for him that would make sense. 

“oh…” Tyler’s smile soon faded. “Maybe I'm just making something outta nothing.” He sat on the floor. He then picked up the blanket that had been thrown to the side in his manic state. The skinny man wrapped it tight over his frame. The coldness in the room had come back. In more ways than one. 

“W-well it did say that he was waiting for you. A-and something about meeting him in your place…so is there somewhere special that only Dallon and you would know?” Josh offered up a suggestion. He couldn't let his friend down. Not when he needed him so badly to believe him. 

“I-I don't know…..there's been so many places we went. How do I know which one?” Tyler looked sorrowfully up at his friend. 

“Well how’s about you tell me everywhere you two liked to go and we can visit them and see if Dallon is there. How about we start tomorrow?” Josh smiled down at him. If this is what Tyler needed to get him out of his funk. Then he'd gladly help in anyway he can. Even if that meant believing in the impossible.

Tyler jumped into his arms. He held Josh tightly. “Oh Josh thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!” He repeated with tears on his face. But this time they were tears of hope. For once he was actually looking forward to tomorrow.

“You're welcome Tyler, but can you loosen your grip a bit so I can breathe?” Josh joked at how enthusiastic his dear friend was. 

“Oh my bad.” Tyler blushed as he released his death grip on him. They both shared a good laugh. It was already beginning to feel like old times. 

***

Tyler was too wired about the next day that he stayed up all night. Just talking to Dallon. “I can't wait to see you again honey…could you possibly give me a hint as to where you're waiting for me?” He asked the early night sky. Of course he got no response, but he just gazed out at the snow dancing to the ground. “Don't worry I'll find you.” He smiled to himself. 

Soon the sun came shining through the window. Tyler felt the warmth on his face as he opened his eyes. So maybe he didn't stay up all night, but he came pretty close. He stretched from his position on the day bed by their bedroom window. Tyler took to sleeping there more than in their bed. Mainly because he tended to fall out there from conversation with his husband, but also because he felt even more lonely in their big king size bed without Dallon. But that won't be a problem for long. He just knew once he found the tall man, that they’d be together forever. Not even death was gonna separate them. Not anymore.

Tyler went about his daily routine, but today he was happy. So he sang songs as he showered, dressed, and did his personal grooming. He even decided to eat breakfast for a change. Tyler usually tried to avoid eating breakfast because he always made enough food for two. Even going as far as setting two plates at the table. He had repeated this process during the first year after Dallon died. And he was driven to constant tears when he remembered he was alone. So then he went out for breakfast or skipped it entirely. Sure he kept food in the house, but rarely cooked just to avoid the bad habit.

But today was different. Tyler was in such high spirits that he willingly prepared a large meal. Two cheese omelets, toast, bacon, with fresh cut fruit on the side and orange juice. All on two darling plates on their table. Tyler smiled at Dallon’s empty seat. He had many memories of his husband raving about his cooking and how he insisted that he should've became a chef.

“This is going to be the best day of my life because of you.” Tyler spoke to the spot where Dallon would normally be. He quickly wiped away those pesky tears that dared to fall on such a great morning. Nope he wasn't going to cry not when he had to find his beloved. “I won't stop, I promise.” He added before he dug into his meal. 

When Tyler finally looked at the time and it was only 9:30 am. Sure it was still early, but Josh did agree to help him. So he called him up. 

“H-hello?” A groggy voice came on the line. 

“Morning Josh! Today’s the big day so you better get up. We don't have any time to lose.” Tyler cheerfully spoke into the phone. He was already fully dressed and waiting to go. 

“I know pal...just give me some time to get ready and I'll be right over there, alright?” Josh giggled to himself. He liked hearing Tyler so cheery. It was like a kid on Christmas morning. Speaking of Christmas it was just around the corner and Josh still had to get his friend a gift. 

“Okie dokie, I'll be here waiting.” Tyler agreed and hung up the phone. He was flying high and nothing could bring him down. He just sat by the fireplace and read his special poem over and over. 

Josh had a time getting ready. He was never really an early bird kinda guy, but this was about Tyler. And he was gonna do anything to keep him as happy as he sounded on the phone.

About an hour passed before Josh made it to Tyler’s house. The yellow head man knocked on the door. He was surprised when Tyler came bursting out the door and pulling him back towards the car. “W-wait hold up Ty, you're not even gonna feed me before we go?” He complained with a pout. 

Tyler rolled his eyes. His friend can really be a baby sometimes. “We can eat when we get there Josh.”

“Get where?” Josh questioned. 

“One of my special places of course but it's gonna be a surprise.” Tyler smiled as he playfully poked Josh’s nose. “So we better get a move on it.” He happily skipped to his car. 

Josh couldn't help the smile that graced his face. It had been awhile since Tyler was this giddy for what seem like ages so he guess he'd skip breakfast today. And he willingly went back to his car. 

***

“Are you finally gonna tell me where we're headed?” Josh asked Tyler. They have been driving for almost an hour and he still had no idea where they were going. Tyler was just gazing contently out the window and cradling his poem to his chest. “Sure just ignore me like I'm not even talking.” He pouted as his stomach started to growl extra loud. 

“We're here.” Tyler said softly. It was pretty foggy on this early winter morning. 

“Ty what are you talking about?” Josh questioned as he slowly drove on the seemingly deserted road. “There’s nothing her-”

Suddenly a small dinner appeared to the right of the road. Josh was shocked. How did Tyler see that when the fog seemed so thick? He pulled into the parking lot and was about to turn to his friend to ask that very question.

“I always had better vision than you Josh.” Tyler smiled off before he slightly frowned. “Besides...Dallon had me in the car so long that I asked that very question just so he can tell me we made it. Kinda like he knew my breaking point during car rides….he knew me so well….” His eyes glazed over, but he got out of the car before any tears could fall. 

Josh felt horrible while he knew Tyler asked for this, he also knew that this wild goose hunt was gonna bring up a lot of unwanted memories. He sighed it was like a lose lose situation they were in. But maybe he was overthinking things and he should just have faith that it would all work out. 

“Come on Josh aren't you hungry?” Tyler giggled as he tapped on the window on Josh’s side. He shook away his thoughts and smiled. 

“Yeah and since I drove, you pay.” Josh said as he got out. Tyler rolled his eyes but agreed to the deal. They alternated paying for things all the time so it wasn't that big of a deal. 

They quickly ran inside to get out of the freezing morning air. They took a booth by the window. Josh eyed the menu while Tyler merely gazed out the window at the fog outside. 

“What can I get you boys?” A gum popping waitress asked cheerfully. Tyler thought it was pretty damn early to be chewing gum, but he guess it was to keep her breath fresh. Either way Tyler didn't really care, it was just a bit rude to him. 

“Well can I have the Belgium waffles with extra powdered sugar and sausages on the side and some orange pineapple juice please.” Josh ordered with a smile and handed her back the menu. 

“Coming right up cutie pie.” She took the menu and winked at him. Josh just giggled at the nickname. He was always use to getting compliments from both sexes throughout his life. Tyler on the other hand rarely got that kind of attention. Well that was until Dallon came into his life. He actually thought the tall man was more interested in Josh when they first met. It wasn't much less insecurities, but more out of instincts.

“And what can I get you brown eyes?”

Tyler knew that voice, but it couldn't be could it? Dallon? He snapped his head up to see it was only the waitress awaiting for him to tell her his order. Josh was staring at him as well. Apparently he's zoned out when she was flirting and now she was ready to work again. “Uhhh….ummm j-just coffee for me...please” He whispered as a light blush formed on his cheeks.

“Alright, well I'll have those up in just a few minutes.” She smiled, mostly at Josh but who’s complaining. Tyler just hung his head as he read over his letter again. He’d done it a hundred times before. 

“Hey man is everything alright?” Josh was worried. Tyler’s sudden sad behavior always made him fear for the worse. 

“Why can't I be special like you?” Tyler muttered to him while keeping his face down. Only one person thought he was special and now he was gone. And Tyler’s feelings of being loved went with him. 

“Wait Tyler you're special to me, what are you talking about?” Josh questioned. He was confused by his friend's sudden sad mood. 

“You wanna know why this place is special to me and Dallon?” Tyler ignored Josh’s question with another question. He looked up at him. Water pooling in his eyes, but his expression showed no feelings what so ever. “It was our first ‘morning after’........he had dragged me out of bed and insisted on this long drive. I didn't know why, but Dallon told me that if he prolonged the morning after then the magic of our first night together wouldn't fade in the dawn of a new day.” The tears slowly fell. “Can you believe how romantic he was? Now why would God take such a beautiful soul away from me Josh? WHY?” Tyler hasn't noticed that his voice got louder. The whole dinner turned to look at the two. 

“Oh Tyler….maybe we should just take you home….maybe this is too much too fast.” Josh suggested as he held his hands within his own. Tyler just looked at him with sad eyes. They sat there until the waitress came back with their food. 

“Here you go boys. Waffles for cutie pie and coffee for your little friend….um is everything alright over here?” She asked a bit worried. Tyler was ready to tell her off. Not only was he reduced to Josh’s ‘little friend’, but she also had no right to ask of his welfare when she clearly didn't care. She only wanted to try and get closer to Josh in his eyes. He was ready to blow until he heard a little tune play out of nowhere.

“Somethings we don't talk about, Rather do without  
And just hold the smile  
Falling in and out of love  
Same damn problem  
Together all the while. 

You can never say never.  
While we don't know when  
But time and time again  
Younger now than we were before

Don't let me go  
Don't let me go  
Don't let me go  
Don't let me go  
Don't let me go  
Don't let me go…”

Tyler put his hand over his mouth as he tried to hold back his tears. Playing on a small radio behind the counter was the very song that Tyler walked down the aisle to get married to Dallon. He could still remember the smile on his husband's face when he saw him in that white tux. It was mid spring and all the flowers seemed to be in bloom for the event. For the first time in his life he was unbelievably happy. It was a day of fairy tales for Tyler. 

And now all of that was gone and he couldn't take it. 

Tyler quickly grabbed his hat and coat and ran out crying. Leaving both Josh and the waitress somewhat confused. While he knew it had something to do with Dallon he wasn't quite sure exactly what ticked him off. 

“Umm miss do you mind just wrapping this all up in a to go box please?” Josh asked as he pulled out his wallet to pay for breakfast.

“No need cutie pie. It's on the house just for you.” The waitress giggled and playfully poked his chest. Josh just giggled it off. She then left to box everything up. While he was speechless at how forward the lady was, he was more concerned with Tyler crying outside in the cold. After a few minutes he was ready to just leave without the food, but she came back with a bag and two to go cups full of coffee and orange pineapple juice.

“Thanks and…” Josh pulled out five dollars. “Here's a tip for you for being so nice to us.” He smiled even though he knew she was only being nice to him for other reasons beyond getting a tip.

“And here’s your tip cutie pie.” She answered as she slipped him her number after putting the five in her bosom. Josh smiled it off even though inside he was horribly cringing. 

“Umm thanks” Josh quickly left to see Tyler trying to wipe away his tears before he could see. 

“I-I’m s-so sorry I just-”

“No need to apologize Tyler. Just let it out.” Josh hugged him tight against his chest. 

“IT WAS OUR SONG ON THE RADIO...I JUST COULDN'T TAKE IT!” Tyler just balled. Soaking the chest area of Josh’s coat, but he didn't mind one bit. That's what friends are for.

It took some time for Tyler to calm down but he eventually did and kept apologizing, but Josh insisted he was fine. 

“You know that waitress actually gave me all this for free? Heh she even not so discreetly slipped me her phone number.” Josh told him as he drove them home. 

“So are you gonna call her?” Tyler teased as he drank his coffee. He hated to admit it, but it wasn't half bad. But then again he was cold and in need of something warm to drink so it would suffice for now. 

“Hell no, you know Brendon would kill me, her and possibly you if I did that.” Josh told him as he crumpled up the slip of paper and threw it out the window.

“What? Why me? And since when are you two a thing?” Tyler asked highly confused.

“Well one as much as Brendon loves you, he’ll somehow find a way to blame you. And two we're….something, we may not know exactly what it is yet but the loyalty and passion is there.” Josh answered proudly. 

“You mean lust.” Tyler countered with a sideways glance. 

“Yeah that too.” Josh couldn't help the cheeky grin on his face. They laughed the rest of the way home. It was just like old times. 

***

Tyler had told Josh that he was fine and that he didn't need a babysitter. So he sent his best friend home. The brunette didn't mind being alone. Well he did, but that spot could only be filled by Dallon. 

He walked around aimlessly throughout the house just trying to think what the poem could mean. Tyler had somehow made his way into another one of Dallon’s large shirts. It was really becoming a new habit of his since he got this letter. 

Before he knew it he had settled into Dallon's office. Their house was big enough that they each had their own offices to work in as well as a guest room besides their bedroom. Yes they had made a good life for themselves here. For Tyler the time seemed too short. One minute you're here and the next you're gone forever.

Tyler snuggled into Dallon's leather chair with a thick fleece blanket. He was always so cold, even with the heat on. He just gazed at the room. Everything as the way Dallon left it. Paper wads all over the place, a few drawers left open, their wedding picture on his desk, and the faint smell of his jasmine incense. 

The brunette smiled as he remembered how he used to nag his husband to clean up his work space. He’d even tried fixing it while Dallon was away only for it to end up in the same condition as it started. Tyler teared up as he saw that the room wasn't that bad and that now he couldn't bring himself to ever move anything out of place. This was one of the little things that still held its essence of the loveable tall man.

Tyler didn't mean to, but he fell asleep in the office. Tucked nicely into the leather chair. It wasn't completely comfortable, but he wanted to be close to Dallon. 

A translucent figure appeared next to him.

“You never did fall asleep in the bed did you Tyler?” The figure smiled at him. “Wake up honey. You’ll get a crick in your neck if you stay here.” The figure said as it nodded him awake. 

Tyler groaned. “H-hey who's bugging me?” He yawned. “I'm up…..I'm up…” He lifted up to rub his eyes. When he looked up he thought he was losing it. “DALLON?” he jumped up to hold him only for him to disappear in puff of smoke. 

“I'm sorry Tyler but this isn't the right time for us to meet.” Dallon's voice came into the room. 

“Then when is it? Please don't go!” Tyler cried as he looked frantically through the room for any signs of him.

“You know…..just think about the memories….” Dallon's voice seemed more distant this time. Like he was fading away. 

“No please! Don't leave me again! Please stay and talk to me at least!” Tyler tried to keep his husband near. But all there was left was silence. He dropped to his knees and cried his eyes out. He had no way to know when was the best time for them to meet. Or even where. 

But one thing was certain he was close. If Dallon appeared because they went to their special dinner, then he was on the right track. Tyler quickly dried his eyes and ran to the living room. There was no time to waste crying. His husband was depending on him. 

Tyler searched through their photo albums to get any other clues of places that were special to them. He was up half the night until he passed out on the couch.

***

Tyler woke up with a newfound determination. Not that he was doubting that Dallon wanted him to find him, but more so doubting he’d actually find the right place. 

Yet today he had a book of ideas so he was ready to take on the challenge. He went to get clean and dressed for the day. 

Tyler was cooking breakfast again when he got a knock on the door. He was a little confused as to who could be visiting so early, but it wasn't totally uncommon. Possibly a co-worker or a delivery guy or-

“Josh?” Tyler was really confused. “B-but you never wake up before noon. What gives?”

“I get up if it's important enough.” Josh smiled and patted his friend’s shoulder on his way inside. Tyler could've cried at how happy he was to be blessed with such a great friend like Josh. “Also I've been worried about you since I left last night. I wanted to make sure I could get up so we can have an early crack at operation: Where's Dallon?” The yellow haired man added with a smirk. 

Tyler had to laugh at the silly name, but he was glad Josh had more faith in him now. “Well I was just making breakfast so at least I'm gonna feed you today and tomorrow if you keep your attendance up to par.” He joked while wagging his finger at him. 

“I will try my best Mr. Weekes.” Josh laughed and playfully saluted. “So what are we eating this fine and extremely early morning? Well early for me.” He asked as he walked into the kitchen. He plopped down at the head of the small table not really thinking much about it. 

“Oh well I already have a quick quiche in the-” Tyler’s eyes instantly set on Josh. “U-umm c-could you n-not…..” He could barely form words as a mixture of tears and anger hit him at once. 

“Oh my bad is this Dal’s spot or something?” Josh hopped out of the seat. Tyler just nodded. His words were trapped in his chest at the moment. “So sorry I didn't know which one was his…..I can happily just go sit in the trash off you want?” He joked to lighten the mood. 

“No….I shouldn't have made such a big deal about it.” Tyler responded with a small smile as he wiped the few tears away. 

“Tyler you can have a cow about whatever you want. And I understand it's hard to let go and I'd never ask you to. Grief isn't something you can just get over.” Josh reassured him and sat at the counter.

“Thank you…...well Dallon came to me last night and sort of gave me a clue.” Tyler perked up. 

“Wait what?” Josh gasped. Did he hear that right? A dead man came back to talk to the living? 

“Well it was really fuzzy, but I heard his voice and he said that I knew the place from our memories where he wants to meet. So I pulled out the photo album and found a bunch of places for us to investigate.” He was certain that one of those had to be it. 

“Great so where are we off to today?” Josh was all on board for this. 

“The amusement park. It was where Dallon proposed. Right on top of the Ferris Wheel.” Tyler informed his friend. 

“But Ty it's like 40 degrees out, I doubt that it’ll even be opened during the winter season.” Josh added. Sure the cold didn't bother him half as much as it did Tyler, but going to an amusement park in this weather was just insane. 

“Oh Josh, I'm not stupid. Of course it's closed to the public, but Dallon’s friend Ryan is over the engineering team that does the repairs and upgrades on the rides there. So I called him this morning and he said he’d let me in while they're doing their routine check of the equipment.” Tyler smiled as he put his friend’s doubt to rest. 

“So you just told this guy that you received a letter from your dead husband, his best friend and are now looking for him?” Josh questioned. He was highly skeptical that others would understand. He kinda didn't himself, but he was willing to believe in his friend even if this all seemed surreal. 

“Of course not, I don't need anymore people worrying about my mental state so the less I tell them about this the better.” Tyler rolled his eyes. He may be grief stricken, but he hadn't completely lost his mind. “I only asked if I could walk around….y’know to kinda rekindle old feelings….” A few tears fell as he twisted his wedding ring. He could still remember the day Dallon opened that little blue velvet box and there sat the most precious black diamond ring. The tears just came pouring out.

Josh quickly came around and held him tight. “You sure you wanna go there? I mean maybe we can pick another place and come back to this. I know how much your wedding ring means to you so maybe this-”

“No…” Tyler sniffed. He was determined to find Dallon and when he did then he knew all the bad memories would turn back to good once more. He got some paper towels to wipe his face. “I can handle this, I promise. Now let's eat so we can go.” Tyler smiled as he went to take out the quiche from the oven. 

***

“It's really good to see you Tyler…..it's been awhile.” Ryan said as he gave him a hug. He missed his best friend nearly as much as Tyler did. And he understood why they hadn't really talked much since the funeral. Too many memories between them. 

 

“Yeah I know….I'm sorry for not…..well not keeping up with you like I should've.” Tyler apologized when they broke from the hug. It wasn't right to keep him shut out when he had let all his other friends back in. If only slightly. “It's just-”

“Don't worry about it. We both could've tried harder, but the important thing now is that we start from here on out.” Ryan reassured him.

“Thanks and I promise things will be different.” Tyler happily agreed. “Oh and you remember my best friend Josh from the wedding.” He motioned to the yellow haired man beside him.

“Yeah, roughly.” Ryan giggled because it had been eight years since he met Josh so he really didn't know him. But Josh didn't mind because the feeling was mutual. So they shared in a nice laugh about it. “Well I gotta get back to work, but you guys are free to roam the place. Just let me know when you're ready to go on the Ferris wheel. I already got you tuned into my station.” He handed Tyler a radio so they could keep in touch. 

They took their leave in separate directions. Tyler took Josh all threw park. 

“See this is the roller coaster where I nearly threw up on Dallon.” Tyler giggled as he pointed it out as they walked. Josh just smiled and went along the little tour. It was like a special world all of Tyler’s. Where his memories never died and he feels safe. “Oh and we had cotton candy and lemonade from over there and tacos from there and-” Tyler froze mid sentence. 

There stood a tall man walking way ahead of them. He seemed to fit the characteristics of his husband. Could he have finally found him? Tyler took off running before Josh could ask any questions as to why he stopped talking. 

“Ty wait up! Where are you going?” Josh called after him. He tried hard to keep up with him, but Tyler was too fast. “Tyler what's wrong?”

“It's Dallon! I know it's him!” Tyler panted as his lungs threatened to give out as he pushed himself faster. He couldn't let him get away. He just had to find him. 

“What? But Tyler I don't see anything!” Josh called to him. He was still just trying to catch up to him. 

The tall figure kept moving. He wasn't even running. Yet he stayed just out of Tyler’s reach and the brunette couldn't for the life of him figure out why Dallon was running away from him. “Dallon please don't leave me behind this time!” Tears trickled down his cheek. His heart breaking the more the distance grew between them. 

Suddenly Tyler ran right into someone. He was knocked to the ground. He was rubbing his sore hip when he heard his husband’s voice. 

“You never were graceful on your feet were you Tyler?” Dallon’s voice giggled. Tyler happily looked up, thinking he had finally found him when his smile faded. 

“Hey Tyler you alright?” Ryan asked as he helped him to his feet. 

“I-I…umm well I...” Tyler could barely speak. He was sure that was his beloved that had stood in front of him before.

“Hey Ty did you find him?” Josh panted as he ran up afterwards.

“Who were you looking for Tyler?” Ryan asked a little confused. He was certain that Tyler only knew him so whoever he was looking for couldn't be apart of his crew. 

“It's not really important anymore…” Tyler answered. A slight frown on his face and sadness in his eyes. Ryan wanted to ask more, but he had a feeling it had something to do with Dallon and he really didn't wanna open those wounds for him let alone himself. 

“Well I'm glad you two ran into me cause I was just about to call you and let you know that we're ready to test run the Ferris wheel.” Ryan smiled to try and cheer him up. 

“Yeah…..come on Josh.” Tyler said as they walked towards the ride. He was still pretty upset that he lost Dallon. But why was he running from him in the first place? Didn't he want them to be together? He was beginning to get really down as they climbed into the large four person cage. 

Shortly after they were off. The ride didn't move that fast, but it was more for the scenery.

“Hey Ty are you alright? You've been silent for a while.” Josh was worried when his friend went quiet randomly like this. 

“W-what if…i-if Dallon doesn't love me anymore? I mean I know I saw him but he ran away and last night he woke me up only to leave…..what if he doesn't want to come back to me?” Tyler’s eyes were full of tears he was desperately trying to hold in. Josh really didn't have any words for him when he was pretty sure that Dallon couldn't really come back to him, but he'd never tell Tyler that because he needed friends at a time like this over the harsh truth. The yellow haired man just held him in his arms and rubbed his back for comfort.  
Suddenly the Ferris wheel stopped and they were at the top. Tyler didn't ask Ryan to do this so he was confused why he would. He was just about to call Ryan to ask what the hold up was when everything seemed to freeze around him. 

“The funny thing is I may be prolific when I put pen to paper. But I was never great at face to face interactions. Especially when it came to you…” Dallon’s nervous laugh rang throughout Tyler’s ears. “But what I wanna say needs to be said. We've been on a journey together for a while now and I don't know where this road leads or if it's all in my head, but one thing is for certain. And that is that I want to continue traveling with you by my side forever and a day…..so Tyler Robert Joseph will you marry me?” It was exactly like the first time he had asked. 

Tyler looked up to see that the sun set was shining nicely into their cart. It's rays bounced perfectly off his wedding ring. That's when he knew it was Dallon trying to make him remember that wonderful day. “Yes…yes Dallon I'll be happy to marry you…” He sniffled as he clutched his ringed hand to his chest. Soon fresh tears followed. His heart was breaking for the millionth time but not in a bad way because Dallon may not have been found yet, but he was more certain that he was loved. 

 

And with that the Ferris wheel made its slow descent. It was as if his husband stopped it just like he had done when he asked Tyler the first time to marry him. Josh didn't understand what had just happened or Tyler’s random words or even the smile on the teary eyed face of his friend. But he knew that he was feeling at least a little better when they reached the ground. 

***

Tyler was just soaking in a hot bubble bath to heal his sore muscles from all that running he did that day. He laughed at how out of shape he was at such a young age. Dallon must've had a nice laugh as well just watching him try to catch him. The smile remained on his face as he gazed at his ring again. 

The brunette found himself repeatedly staring at it since he heard Dallon's proposals on the Ferris wheel. He dipped his head under the water to get help him relax completely. 

When he came back up the smell of jasmine was so strong. Tyler was confused since his scented candles that lit the bathroom was lavender. 

Out of nowhere he felt two large pair of hands run over his shoulders and trailed down his arms. Tyler was afraid at first, but they felt oddly familiar. “D-dal…” He was too afraid to speak his name in case he disappeared like the last time. 

“Hello.....my beautiful brown eyes…” Dallon’s icy breath brushed on his neck. Tyler bite his lip and tried to hold back the tears, but it was all too much to hear his voice. He then felt his nose nuzzle in his hair and his cold body on his back. “Please don't cry….it hurts so much when you do…” He whispered as his arms wrapped tightly around his tiny frame. 

“B-but I can't help it…..I miss you so damn much that I can barely take it and I just wanna-” Tyler pressed his eyes tightly closed as more tears came. He couldn't look. He didn't wanna wake up from this wonderful dream.

“Shhh….” Dallon’s voice was soft in his ear as his strong hands explored his bony body. Tyler hummed slightly at the cold touch. His hands trailed all over. When they ran over his erect nipples, he gasped. It had been awhile since he’s been in the mood. He’s been either busy trying to ignore his heartbreak with work or too upset and crying himself asleep. But since he had his husband back, why not? 

“D-dallon…..please...it's been so long…” Tyler begged as he laid back on the tall man. His skin was like ice, but he didn't care. It was all he ever wanted. To be in his husband’s loving arms. 

Tyler felt soft chilly kisses on his cheek as those cold hands carefully opened his legs. A freezing palm rubbed his hard length slowly. While the other hand massaged his nipples. Tyler’s moans were loud instantly. Only Dallon can make him come undone in such a way with such simple touches. 

Tyler reached his arm back to tangle his fingers in Dallon's thick locks. The other hand held on to the side of the tub as his husband’s hand speed up. The brunette was whimpering like crazy just trying to hold out. Something told him that once he let go that he’d lose his lover again. His eyes remained shut because he was too afraid he'd shatter into a million pieces if he gazed into those beautiful icy blue eyes.

“You can't hold on forever…it's okay to let go….” Dallon’s cold breath was so close. His hand never stopping. 

“B-but baby…I don't wanna be alone again….” Tyler panted as he turned away from his voice. He then felt long fingers turn him back around towards what he knew was the tall man’s face. 

“Don't worry I'll always find you again…..” Dallon whispered before he kissed him softly on the lips. Tyler was overwhelmed within seconds and he came in the tub.

Suddenly all feeling of Dallon was lost and he felt himself fall under the water. When he emerged he was in tears. Tyler screamed and splashed water everywhere in anger. He sobbed loudly because he hated that he couldn't even remember how his lover’s kiss felt. It was all too quick. Dallon was gone too soon. 

***

Tyler just laid in their large bed. His now dry body just rested on damp sheets. He hadn't bothered to dry off or get dressed he just went straight to bed. Just cradling Dallon’s pillow to his chest under the covers. He had been that way all night. Merely in silence. 

It was way past noon. Tyler had already called Josh and told him that he wanted to skip the search that day. He couldn't tell him that he was heartbroken that he missed sex with Dallon. Sure Josh would possibly believe him hearing his husband’s voice, but making love to a dead man in the tub was a stretch. Well sensual touches anyway. He was rather embarrassed about it. 

Tyler found himself humping Dallon’s pillow because it was strong in his scent. He couldn't help imagining his tall frame towering over him from behind. Soon he found himself cumming all over the pillow. At first he felt bad for soiling it, but then he just licked it off. Imagining it was his husband.

Tyler spent his whole day just sleeping and masturbating to fantasies of Dallon. It was like he was making up for lost time. Time that was just meant for the two of them. Even if Tyler was alone essentially.

He held on to his words. “I'll always find you again…” 

Tyler cried just hoping it was true.

***

“Are you sure you're alright? I mean you ignored all my calls yesterday. I was tempted to come over, but Bren said I should respect your space.” Josh yammered on as he drove them around. 

“Yeah thank Brendon for me…” Tyler said softly. He didn't wanna go into it. It was rather strange to him as well. He blushed lightly at the thought of if Josh would've caught him in such a compromising position. Not to mention highly inappropriate.

They were headed to a drive in movie theater. Only a few still remained operational across the country. And Dallon loved the vintage aspect of watching movies via the car. It held sentimental value to him. Which he didn't hesitate to share with Tyler. 

The brunette smiled when he remembered the way Dallon went on and on about them until he finally agreed to accompany him. Long story short Tyler was bored and played games on his phone the whole time and Dallon was so upset at him. They actually didn't talk until a day later. 

Tyler frowned as he now see how mean he was that night. It was special to Dallon and he didn't care enough to pay attention, but he was going to this time. 

“Hey we're here. Tyler you sure everything okay?” Josh asked as he pulled into an empty spot in the middle. He was always a mother hen to him, but even more so when they go time without speaking. 

“Yes I'm good…..its just...do you think Dallon forgives me for not understanding some of his passions when he was alive?” Tyler inquired with so much regret in his eyes. 

“Tyler, Dallon loves you and still does. Sure he was upset then, but I know there’s nothing you could do that could make him hate you. Alright?” Josh smiled as he held his hand. He knew that he carried so many regrets over the many little fights they had while they were married. But couples argue, that was just inescapable. Yet his friend felt even more grief because he felt like they didn't resolve everything before Dallon passed. 

Tyler nodded as a few stray tears fell. He knew he was right, but that didn't stop the pain of never being able to apologize properly. Josh just handed him some Kleenexs he kept in the car. He didn't mind Tyler’s tears. They were just apart of healing. 

They sat there for hours. Just laughing at cheesy 50’s monster flick after another. The drive in showed marathons over the weekends. This weekend was old monster movies. Tyler couldn't take his eyes off the screen. It brought him back to that night with Dallon.

“Hey I'm gonna go hit the restroom and then the snack bar during intermission. You want anything?” Josh asked as he got out the car. 

“Just some gummy worms and another soda please.” Tyler smiled at him. Josh nodded and left him alone in the car. 

It was now getting dark and they had been there most of the day. Tyler yawned a little and checked his phone. 

“Always on your phone, Tyler you should learn to look beyond all the technology of today.” Dallon’s voice came into the car. 

He snapped his head up to see he was still alone. Tyler just took a few breaths to calm him down before going back to checking his emails. 

“Babe work can wait, just enjoy the movies with me.” Dallon's voice was closer this time. Tyler teared up when he felt the weight of someone’s head on his shoulder.

“I-I’m so sorry honey…..I should've enjoyed this when you were here with me…” Tyler sobbed as he put his phone down. 

“You never had to apologize because I was never that mad…..well maybe a little, but it was more because all the simple beauties in the world would soon be replaced by your fancy technology....sometimes I could barely understand all your computer talk.” Dallon giggled as he placed his hand on his. Tyler only felt the slightest cold prick his skin, but he knew he was there. “Just promise me you'll always make time to look at the scenery baby…” And then there was silence.

“I-I promise honey…” Tyler began sobbing again because he had lost his husband again. It was becoming more and more heartbreaking to deal with the constant pop ups only for him to fade again. 

“Ty what's wrong? What happened while I was gone?” Josh frowned when he got in the car. He knew his friend was fine when he left so something major had to happen in order to have him so upset now. “Talk to me Ty.” He begged when Tyler ignored his questions to continue sobbing. 

“H-he was here…..he was here Josh.” Tyler repeated. It was all he could say through the tears. Josh just sighed and held him. It was beginning to be their routine. They'd go somewhere special to Tyler and Dallon, Tyler would see traces of his husband and cry uncontrollably. All of which Josh didn't mind but he did wonder how much more Tyler could take. 

***

Tyler carried some carnations in his gloved hands as he tread through the snow. It was coming down more each day. But no type of weather conditions would stop him from visiting Dallon’s grave.

“Hi honey…...I'm doing okay, but you know that already…” Tyler smiled. He looked up at the marble angel that started this whole journey. “Do you know where he wants me to meet him?” He asked her. He was met with silence as always. His smile faded.

“I've been dragging Josh all over this city for you Dallon, the least you could do is give me a clue or something!” Tyler frowned as he looked at the words carved into the marble. Silence again. Nothing moved. Not even the wind blew. 

 

“You think I like feeling like this! Well damn it I'm tired of this pain! Why did you ever bother coming into my life if your forever was all a lie! Dallon why did you make me love you so damn much when you were only gonna leave me all alone! That's not fucking fair and you know it!” Tyler cried and threw the flowers down in the snow. He was fed up. His life was stuck and he didn't know how to move forward. He hated how life went on knowing he was stuck. He hated himself for not knowing how to fix it. But he also hated Dallon for putting him in this position.

“I hate you Dallon…..you hear me, I hate you and I refuse to come back here anymore!” Tyler told his husband’s headstone. “So you just go bother someone else cause I don't need you anymore….” Tears streaming down his face. He just dropped to his knees. 

“I love you Dallon….I love you so much and I'll never stop needing you…..never…..please forgive me, I'm just a little lonely honey…..a lot lonely…...oh Dallon…” Tyler hugged the grave and cried. All of his feelings so bare that it hurt, but he'd gladly hurt for his husband.

Once he regained himself, he made sure to leave the flowers in the nice built in flower pot by Dallon’s headstone. And with a kiss Tyler went home. 

***

Tyler was just splayed out on their bed in his thick pajamas. The covers barely on the bed. Sheets a crumpled mess. He couldn't sleep. He hated to admit it but maybe he was just slowly descending into madness and nothing involving Dallon never actually happened. 

Josh had came inside after not receiving an answer for over an hour. “Tyler come on we gotta get going.” 

“We have nowhere to go Josh.” Tyler turned away from him. 

“What you ran out of ideas? Well let's just check your photo album again Ty.” Josh said as he walked around to the side of the bed to see his face.

“I said we have nowhere to go Josh.” Tyler rolled his eyes at him and pulled the covers over his head. Josh was shocked by his sudden nonchalant behavior. It never took this long to get Tyler out of bed. In fact he never had to get him out of the bed in the first place. The brunette was always just a wiry little guy. 

“B-but we gotta find Dallon….you said-” 

“WHAT I SAID WAS ALL LIES JOSH. DALLON IS DEAD. AND HAS BEEN FOR THREE YEARS GOING ON FOUR IN JUST A FEW DAYS. AND I'M TIRED. HE'S GONE JOSH. HE'S GONE AND I GOTTA FINALLY WAKE UP AND LEARN HOW TO LIVE WITHOUT HIM BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT LIFE GOES ON WITHOUT US!” Tyler popped up from under the covers to yell at Josh. His eyes red and puffy from past crying. Yet his face was dry now. He was just so upset that he wanted to push everyone away. In the end he'd be alone anyway so best to start now.

“Tyler you can't possibly believe-”

“Go Home Josh, just go home to Brendon…...at least you have him here to love so don't waste it.” Tyler told him. He looked down at his ring. “Like I did…” he just laid back down and pulled the covers over himself again. He refused to answer the yellow haired man.

Josh finally gave up and left. He was feeling like he failed to keep his best friend happy. He felt he had to do something, but what could he really do?

The month was drawing to a close. And he still couldn't decide what would be the perfect gift for Tyler. Josh sighed and drove himself home.

***

Tyler hadn't moved much since Josh left. That was at least two days ago. He didn't eat so he didn't need to get up to go to the bathroom. He didn't have to go to work so his morning routine had become crying and more crying. That also went for his afternoon and evening routine. He had completely given up and he just awaited death to come.

It was now in the middle of the night. Tyler was trying to fall asleep to no avail.

“Tyler…” Dallon’s voice softly came into the room. 

“You're not real.” Tyler said as he covered his ears.

“Tyler you can't just give up like this.” Dallon protested. 

“Yes I can, the only way I'll be happy again is if death takes me to where you are.” Tyler insisted as he kept his ears covered. The less of this the better.

“TYLER YOU CAN'T JUST DIE!” Dallon yelled as he pulled the covers off the bed. Tyler was shocked because his husband wasn't one to raise his voice. Least of all at him. 

“WELL WHY CAN'T I? I CAN'T EVEN FIND YOU!” Tyler broke down in tears. he just really wanted to be wherever Dallon was. 

“You know where I am and when to meet me…..but you refuse out of fear…..you're too afraid to accept that it wasn't anything you could've done baby…” Dallon held Tyler tight. His cold body seemed to engulf him. 

“N-no please...please don't!” Tyler begged as it became hard to breathe.

“You need to remember only then can you forgive yourself…” Dallon said as he pressed his coldness onto Tyler. Before he knew it he was passing out. 

***

“Tyler pay attention to the road.” Dallon told him. 

Tyler’s eyes snapped open and he was in the car driving. It was at night and when he turned he nearly lost his breath. It was Dallon in the flesh sitting in the passenger seat. Smiling at the snow outside. “D-dallon?” He could barely believe it. 

“Yeah baby?” Dallon turned to him. Those blue eyes so full of life. But they seemed a little tired. That's when it hit Tyler. And where they were headed. 

“N-no...honey let's go back home. I-it's Christmas Eve we should spend it inside…it's so cold out tonight…” Tyler was holding back his tears as the car continued to go down the road. His voice cracking. 

“Baby you promised you’d let me outside so I can go to our special place. Don't change your mind when we're so close...please Tyler.” Dallon begged as he laid his head on his shoulder. “We'll only be out for a little and back at home before you know it.” He smiled sweetly up at him. 

Tyler glanced down at him. He knew it wasn't going to be that simple, but that loving smile gave him hope that things could change. He smiled. “That I did and we're gonna go, just for you Dally.”

Dallon quickly cheered up at his little nickname. He just snuggled up against him. His hand laid softly on his thigh. Tyler couldn't be happier at his warm touch again. 

It didn't take long for them to reach the park. Their special spot was off by this now frozen little lake.

Tyler helped Dallon out of the car. He could walk on his own, but he tended to get winded easily. His heart was slowly giving out on him. They had found out that he had an aggressive disease that was deteriorating the muscles in Dallon’s heart. He had a few surgeries to prolong it as much as possible, but he was still in need of a transplant.

It had been a rough nine months, but Tyler wouldn't trade it for the world. He loved taking care of Dallon, he was like a cute little baby. His baby. 

They slowly got down by the water. It was a nice bench they could sit on. Dallon stood there while Tyler quickly dusted off the snow. And helped him sit down. 

“I'm not an invalid Tyler…..I can sit and stand on my own.” Dallon smiled at him. While he was grateful for the help it made him feel like a burden on him sometimes.

“I'm sorry I know you can do plenty of things on your own. But I like helping you. It's good to be needed so much.” Tyler kissed him softly on the cheek. Dallon turned his face so they could kiss properly. They locked lips for a few minutes. Tyler just held him snuggled close to him. 

“Apology accepted.” Dallon told him once they broke for air. He looked up and saw a falling star and smiled as he made a wish. He quickly got to his feet. Much to Tyler’s surprise. “I'm going to show you that I'm fine. Will you let me have this dance my beloved?” He bowed so sweetly.

“As nice of the offer is, your doctor said you need to take it easy Dal and dancing is a bit physical...maybe we could just-”

Dallon pulled Tyler to his feet. “You put your faith way too much in science. I believe in the magic of it all. And I just wished on a falling star that I could dance with you for Christmas and that's what I intend to do.” He told him sternly as he put them into position. Tyler blushed at his dominance. It had been awhile since he demanded anything over just asking. 

They began to waltz around in the snow. It was ankle deep so they kicked up a lot of flurries the faster they went. Tyler giggled as he was dipped and twirled about. Then Dallon lifted him in the air and he was surprised.

“No no no, dancing is one thing but lifting me is another. Now put me down before you hurt yourself Dallon.” Tyler insisted as he tapped on his husband's shoulders.

“Can't, I wanna see my beautiful husband dance with the snow flakes.” Dallon giggled as he continued to twirl Tyler in the air. After long he finally got into it. Tyler hadn't seen his husband so energetic in so long. 

In that moment it was just them. No weekly hospital visits. No daily medicine. No bad at all. Just love that kept them going this long. They laughed like children. It was perfect.

Until it all came crashing down. Dallon crashing into the snowy ground to be exact. Tyler unfortunately fell on top of him in the process. Dallon made a wheezing noise. 

“Oh God I'm so sorry Dallon speak to me?” Tyler quickly rolled off of him and pull his head to his chest. 

“I-its...not your fault….I got weak b-but I didn't wanna tell you…..y-you looked so happy...I couldn't ruin that m-moment…” Dallon panted heavily.

“Who cares about me you're the one who’s sick babe. Let's go home so I can put you to bed.” Tyler begged as tears started to flow. He didn't mean to hurt his husband so bad. He knew this was a bad idea from the start. 

“I care!...I-I c-care T-tyler….b-besides I-I don't think I'm gonna m-make it home this time…..” Dallon struggled to talk through the heavy breathing.

“Don't talk like that I can get you to the hospital,I know I can Dallon. Come on.” Tyler cried as he tried to hastily lift Dallon to his feet, but his husband wasn't going. 

“No...Ty…no more...I just want to be in your arms…..please…” Dallon told him sadly as he pulled Tyler back down. He held him as tightly as he could. 

“WE'RE NOT GIVING UP DALLON!” Tyler screamed at him. He wasn't going to lose him again. “WE NEED TO FIGHT!”

“No Tyler…no more fighting for me…” Dallon told him sadly. “And I'm not giving up….I just want to love my husband...is that so bad Tyler?” He had tears in his eyes. Tyler couldn't take seeing this again. He lost it the first time, but now this was just torture to witness again. 

“No…it isn't...but I need you...please let me try to save you.” Tyler whimpered as he pleaded one last time. Dallon just cupped his face and kissed him deeply. Giving him all the emotions and affection he had left in it. 

Dallon was panting slower once they broke for air. He weakly laid his head on his shoulder. His blue eyes could barely focus. Tyler just cried as he held him so tight. Dallon’s gaze turned to the sky. “Baby it's raining stars just for us…l-like a t-tornado or something…” He giggled lightly as he weakly tried to catch one. 

“No Dallon that's just snow…..y-your becoming delusional...Dal…” Tyler couldn't bare to watch him sink further into this madness. It was too much for him. So he just shh him to get him to settle down. 

“I love you…..I love you…Tyler I love…..l-love…” Dallon’s voice faded. He went limp in Tyler’s hands. 

“D-dal…..  
DALLON PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME! I'M SORRY! I'M SO SORRY! WHY WOULD YOU MAKE ME RELIVE THIS DALLON WHY!!?” Tyler screamed as he held him tight against his chest. He didn't feel a pulse and he knew he was gone. He just sat there crying with his husband in the snow. 

“It's not your fault Tyler…”

***

Tyler jumped from his sleep with tears staining his cheeks. His heart pounding. It all felt so real. Could that really had been all just a dream? He was so shook that he cried some more. The very thing he tried so hard to forget and now it was literally the only way he could see Dallon again. 

He knew there was only one way he was going to see him. And he was more than ready after all this pain. Tyler got out of bed and went to their walk in closet. He unlocked their safe and pulled out the gun he had for protection. He took it and put it in a bag. Tyler then went to go get dressed.

He made sure he was nicely moisturized, polished, and clean to perfection. Tyler put on his white tux he wore at their wedding. It was gonna be a special day after all. 

He walked around the house just to take it all in one last time. Tyler then took time to write a lengthy letter to his friends and family. He also wrote a separate letter for his best friend Josh. 

After that he put on his heavy coat and hat with his bag and he smiled as he got in the car. Tyler carefully drove through the rough terrain. The closer he got to the park the happier he got. But a pang of sadness kept bugging him. He had to apologize to Josh for yelling at him a few days prior. 

Tyler dialed his number as he prayed he'd answer. 

“Hello? Tyler? Oh I'm so glad you're okay I-”

“I'm sorry Josh…I shouldn't have yelled at you…..it wasn't your fault…” Tyler sniffled. “It was mine…...and thank you for all your help, but I figured out what I need to do to be with Dallon again…”

Josh didn't like his tone not one bit. “Tyler what are you planning to do? Please you promised me that you wouldn't do this! Tyler you can't!” He pleaded for him to stop. “J-just let me come where you are so we can talk about this...Please Ty…” He continued to plead as he ran out of the house to his car. 

Tyler pulled into the park. He was entranced by the frozen lake. It was late afternoon now so he'd just wait until the perfect time. 

“TYLER CAN YOU HEAR ME?” Josh screamed through the phone. 

“Oh...yeah Josh I hear you…” Tyler replied very slowly. His heart hurt just being there again, but Dallon told him this was where he'd have to meet him and so this is where he will be. 

“Please j-just tell me where you are, I can come get you.” Josh cried as he drove towards his house. He figured he’d try there first. 

“I'm sorry Josh…I really am…..but Dallon’s waiting for me…..Merry Christmas buddy.” Tyler had to stop himself from breaking down before he hung up the phone. 

“TYLER!” Josh screamed when he heard the line go dead. He prayed that it wasn't him that died as well. At least not without a fight. 

He made it to Tyler’s house shortly after. Josh ran inside calling his name. But he got no answer. As far as he knew he wasn't there, but he still checked each room to be certain. He saw that the safe was left opened and the gun Tyler had was missing. 

Now Josh knew he had to hurry and find his distraught friend. He ran around looking for any clues that would lead him to his whereabouts.

When he found the letters on the kitchen table. One had his name on it. So he quickly opened it. 

“Dear Josh,

I'm not good at writing. You know that. It was more of Dallon’s thing...I'm so sorry Josh, but I can't keep our promise...I need him more. And I don't care about me damning my soul to do it. I will gladly jump into the Hellfire for Dallon. He was the only one who ever loved all of me…..do you know what it feels like to have someone understand you so perfectly? I know perfect doesn't really exist, but Dallon was perfect in every way…..maybe that's why he couldn't stay because this world wasn't ready for a guy that great...heh look at me go on and on about my husband when this was supposed to be your letter. I'm sorry, but you know how I get sometimes....anyway you're my best friend in the whole wide world. No one would've done for me the things you did. No one would even do half of what you did. I know deep down you didn't believe me about Dallon. Heck deep down I didn't believe myself. But the point is that you drove me around and accompanied me on this crazy chase anyway. You're extremely special. To me your a perfect best friend. So just be careful alright…this world doesn't deserve you either, but maybe you can make it better. I can never thank you enough for all you've done for me. You deserve unlimited happiness. And if Brendon ever does you wrong then I swear I will haunt his soul until he apologizes. I've ran away from him all these years, but I'm not running anymore. Please don't hate me too much for what I'm going to do. It's hard enough knowing Dallon wants me to go back to where it ended for him. And so his end shall be mine as well. 

All my Love,  
Tyler”

Josh was in tears. What if he didn't find him in time? He re-read the letter a couple times to find any clues. “Dallon’s end shall be his end?” Josh was deep in thought. He knew that was the key but what exactly did that mean. 

Josh then remembered a talk that Tyler and him had shortly after Dallon passed. “The Lake view park!” He shouted as he rushed back to his car. It was a semi long distance from Tyler’s house, but he was gonna floor it in order to get there in time. 

***

The sun had already set and Tyler was taking his coat off. While he hated the cold, he wanted to look his very best for Dallon. So he wiped the last of his tears and grabbed the gun. He then got out of the car and walked towards the lake. 

Meanwhile Josh was speeding as fast as he could while also making sure it was still a safe enough speed to where he could keep the car under control. “Tyler please hold on for me…” He told himself as he plowed through the snow. 

“Dallon….I made it honey...remember you promised to meet me here in your letter? Well I finally figured out what it meant…..and I need to see the stars dance for us again in order for us to meet…” Tyler smiled as he waltzed around with his gun. It almost felt like back to that day. But something was still missing. And that something was Dallon. 

“It's time baby…..I love you so much Dallon.” Tyler said with a few stray tears. He put the gun to his temple as he looked up and noticed the moon. It was especially bright this night. And strangely it seemed to be getting brighter. Tyler had to cover his eyes for it was so bright in his face. 

“You don't wanna do this Tyler.” Dallon’s voice came through.

Tyler slowly opened his eyes to see there in the glowing light stood his husband. Not a shadow or a smokey figure, but his tall lover just like in his dream. “D-dallon…” Tears freely ran down his cheeks. “I'm going with you baby, see I even brought…wait where is it?” He looked around to see where his gun might have gone. 

“Looking for this?” Dallon held the gun in his hand. “You don't need this because you're not coming with me sweetie…” The gun disappeared before his very eyes. Tyler couldn't believe it or what he was saying. 

“But you said you wanted to meet in the tornado of stars! You saw that only on your deathbed now why can't I be with you!? Don't you still love me Dallon?” Tyler demanded to know. 

“Of course I do and that's why I'm here. You see I've been watching you everyday and sure you were struggling but over the years it was only getting worse. Until this year you were….” Dallon had to blink away some tears. “You were gonna kill yourself for me and I couldn't have that…so I asked God for this special request to see you again to tell you that this was never your fault...I knew it was gonna be the end of me soon and I just wanted to be in a nice place...with you Tyler” He smiled. 

“But why here?” Tyler asked. He needed to know. 

“Well when I first found out about my heart condition I brought you here for a picnic. It was spring time and everything was in bloom. The ducks and geese swam in the lake. And I waited until we were done eating to tell you. You were so mad at me. And I said what baby?” Dallon walked towards him and caressed his cheek. 

“You said that you didn't wanna ruin dessert for me.” Tyler smiled up at him. He was so happy that he wasn't cold anymore. 

“Yeah I said that.” Dallon smiled at him. “Well I can never forget how bad I made you cry and then you held me close.” He pressed Tyler closer to his chest. “And you said that nothing in this world is stronger than love and that we're gonna beat this thing. Not I'm going to, but we're gonna beat it...that's when I knew we both were infected with this that day. And so I had to lay the horrible infection to rest in order to cleanse you and make you new again.” Dallon finished.

Just then Josh was just now pulling up. He jumped out the car to see Tyler and Dallon together. “Dallon!?” He gasped. He really came back for Tyler. He saw they were busy talking so he let them have their space. He was shocked, but overjoyed that Tyler was still alive. 

Water poured out of Tyler’s eyes as he placed his hands over Dallon’s chest. He felt a strong heart beating underneath. Beating just for him. 

“I love you so much Tyler, I'm so happy I could die in your arms.” Dallon whispered to him. Tyler was at a loss for words at this point. So Dallon leaned in and kissed him deeply. It was that burning sweet feeling that Tyler thought he had forgotten. But here it was just as fresh as the first time they kissed. 

“S-so will this be the last time I see you?” Tyler whispered. He didn't want this to ever end. 

“Well even if you don't always see or hear me. I'm still there watching over you Tyler. Always…” Dallon ran his fingers through Tyler’s hair like he used to. All these old feelings were making Tyler so giddy. “But also apart of my request was for as long as you need me, I'll always come back to you here on Christmas Eve.” He beamed at Tyler’s surprised expression.

“Oh Dallon I will never stop needing you!” Tyler jumped on his husband. Arms tight around his neck. 

“I'm glad cause I never wanna stop seeing you.” Dallon hugged him tight against his chest. He then set him down and cleared his throat. “And since we have all night….may I have this dance my beloved?” He bowed elegantly in front of him. 

“I couldn't think of anything I'd rather do.” Tyler accepted. Putting his hand in his. They waltzed around in the snow. Laughing as the stars twirled down to shine brightly on them like it was their own private dancing hall. 

Josh couldn't help the smile that graced his face as he watched the two from his car. This whole time he was worrying what to buy his best friend to cheer him up for the holidays. When he realized that Tyler now had everything he could ever need or want for Christmas. 

His husband Dallon.

**Author's Note:**

> So let me know what you all think. I want any and all feedback cause it's been awhile and I wanna make sure I still got it. 
> 
> Hopefully this will inspire me to get back into writing so keep your fingers crossed for me. 
> 
> Don't give up on me cause I'm just in a rut. -The Killers, Rut.
> 
> Merry Christmas


End file.
